Take It Like A Man : my end
by hermione2b
Summary: my idea of what could have happened just a minute before the end of this episode. season 9... H&M of course !


Take it like a man

_Disclaimer : I don't own JAG or any of the characters, unfortunately…._

_This is my first English fanfic, and my first on JAG. Hope you'll like it... English is not my first language and all mistakes are mine !_

_Note : the story takes place at the end of the episode "Take it like a man", Mac had killed Sadik : a bullet in his shoulder (for Harm) and one in his head (for Webb). At the end of the episode, Mac is at Webb's apartment, they're talking about that and Mac explains that she killed him because he hurt someone she loves. My story takes place just after Clay says: "I love you too."_

My story: 

Mac looked at him in the eyes and Clay realized that he misunderstood what she said.  
"You weren't talking about me right?"

She looked away and suddenly found interest in the carpet under her feet.  
"You were thinking about Harm."

Mac looked back at him and saw the sadness in his eyes.  
"I'm sorry Clay."  
"We've been together for eight months, I thought you moved forward where Harm is concerned."

Suddenly, she felt angry again:  
"Eight months? You've got to be kidding! You're never there! I think we spent, all told, one month together."  
"You knew what you're getting yourself into Sarah. You know my job, you know I don't have a choice. And you also know that I can't always tell you where I'm going or for how long."  
"Yes. That's why we have no future together. I need someone close to me, not at the other end of the world every two days."  
"And Rabb can do that?"  
"Leave Harm out of this!"  
"Why? He is the problem, isn't he? He doesn't even love you Sarah!"  
"You don't know anything Clay. You know nothing about him… or about me."

She stood up, took her coat, put it on, and went to leave when:  
"So it's over?"  
"I'm sorry Clay."  
"I hope Rabb realizes how lucky he is, having a woman like you loving him so much. And I hope he loves you as much as you do him. If not, I'm here. You know where to find me."  
"That's the problem. I never know where you are. Goodbye Clay."

She opened the door and left. She knows what she had to do. First, she had to go to Harm's and apologize, even if it was easier said than done. She remembered sadly what she told him and his eyes, she hurt him with those words.

_**Flashback**  
_"_Oh __you wanna get personal?"  
_"_Yeah, maybe I do."  
_"_All right__: I'm the one with grown-up responsibilities now: Mattie, the house I'm trying to buy. At least I'm finally letting people in to my life!"  
_"_Um, toys! What happens when you get bored of suburbia Harm? You're gonna just lose interest in Mattie like you did your brother? He preferred life in Russia to being here and being ignored by you. You fight to draw people into your circle just so you can push them away again!"  
_**_End of flashback_**

She hurt him a lot. But when he sucked it up and answered her, she was the one to be stunned.

**_Flashback  
_**"_This is not about me losing interest in Mattie. You think that I'm losing interest in you!"  
_**_End of flashback_**

And it goes on in the courtroom.

**_Flashback  
_**"_That's the problem with being a loner. You're always on the outside looking in. You make it impossible to be your friend, and then you wonder why you feel so alone!"  
_**_End of flashback_**

She understood the pain she inflicted in him, and she really wanted to apologize and have her best friend back. Even if, in the courtroom, he seemed to have understood the message when she interrogated her client and made an indirect apology.

**_Flashback  
_**"_You just wanted someone to recognize what you've been through? And in your anger you went about it the wrong way, isn't that so?"  
_**_End of flashback_**

Yes, he'd smiled and discreetly nodded. He understood. But she needed to have a serious conversation with him.

Harm's apartment  
North of Union Station  
2120

Mac approached Harm's door. She realized, astonished, that she wasn't nervous. She had to do that, for him, for her, but above all to save their friendship and try to be with each other like they were before this whole Paraguay fiasco.

She knocked on the door, quietly, hoping that he wasn't sleeping. But she heard footsteps inside, coming from the living room. The door was opened and Harm stood in front of her. He was wearing a jeans and a black shirt.

"Mac."  
"Good evening Harm."  
"Is everything OK?"  
"I needed to talk to you but if it's too late I can come back tomorrow."  
"No, no, come in!"

He opened the door completely, letting her enter.  
"Can I get you something: coffee, tea?"  
"Uh, yes, a tea would be great."  
"OK."

He went around the counter top and started to make some tea. Meanwhile, Mac turned around between the kitchen and the dining room. She was getting nervous now. She didn't know where to begin. She decided to sit and watch him making the tea. She was looking towards the window. Harm watched her and realized that she was far away from here.

"Mac?"

She stared at him and saw the worry in his eyes.

"I'm sorry Harm."  
"You seem far away. What's wrong?"  
"I needed to talk to you. I …"  
"Mac?"  
"I'm sorry."  
"For what?"  
"For what I said to you the other day at JAG. About Mattie. And about your brother."  
"It's already forgotten Mac."  
"Not for me. I said some horrible things that I didn't think were true. But you were right."

He decided not to say anything and let her continue.  
"About what?"

She looked at him and he understood.  
"Mac, you know that whatever happens I would never loose interest in you."  
"How can you say that? After having hurt you like I did, I don't even understand why you're still talking to me!"  
"Mac…"  
"Let me finish. Please."

He indicated for her to continue. She stood up and starts walking around the apartment again.

"I've been horrible. You gave up everything to come find me in Paraguay, you sacrificed your career for me and I'm not even sure I thanked you for that. Instead, I blamed you for not telling me the words I wanted to hear, I pushed you away and I ruined our friendship. And now I'm starting to badger you at work. And you, you're always here to help me when I need you."

She had tears in her eyes and wasn't even trying to hide them.

"Mac, I had your message yesterday in the courtroom. I know what you've been through. I know it hadn't been easy for you to come face to face with Sadik."  
"I executed him Harm. There's no other word for what I did. The worse is I don't even regret."  
"Mac, you were just defending yourself."  
"The first shot was. I hit him in the shoulder and his sidearm fell far from him. This bullet was for you. He wasn't armed when I shoot him in the head. But you know what? I don't regret anything. This bastard had what he deserved. What kind of monster am I?"

She let herself fall heavily on the sofa. Harm sit by her and take one of her hands in his.

"Mac, look at me". She looked at him and he continued. "You were bravest that any person I know. You were hurt because of him. You're not a monster. You're human."

He put his arm around her shoulders and she cried against his chest.

"Did you talk about that with Webb?"

He felt her tense and regretted asking this.

"I broke up with Webb tonight."  
"Oh, I'm sorry Mac."  
"Not me. I made a bad choice, again. This is the story of my life."  
"What happened? Did he hurt you?"

Mac lifted her head and smiled at him, touched by his concern for her.

"No."  
"So why? … Forget it; it's none of my business!"  
"Well, I think it is. At least, part of it."  
"What do you mean?"  
"I'll tell you what I told Webb. I killed Sadik because I was angry about what he did, and because he hurt someone I love."

Harm tried to hide his pain but Mac saw it; He thought she was in love with Webb. For his part, Harm thought that he had to be there for his best friend, because despite everything that happened he still considered her his best friend.

"Harm. He knew I wasn't talking about him."

He lifted his eyes to look at her and Mac saw a flash of hope in them.

"I'm afraid I don't understand."  
"I love you Harm. I know that after all I said and did, I can't hope anything. But what I'd like the most is that we could stay friends."

Harm tried to organize his thoughts and decided that for once he would let his heart speak for him.

"Mac, first I was sincere when I said that I would never lose interest in you. I care too much about you. For what happened in Paraguay, I will be honest, I was frustrated and angry. Angry at you for thanking me by kissing Webb, angry at me for not telling you the truth then, angry at Webb for taking you on this mission."

"I should have listened to you and never go on this mission!"

"What's done is done. We can't change the past. But we can build our future. I was really hurt after coming back from Paraguay. I've lost my job, the woman I loved, my dignity. My ego was badly injured. But you know what? If I could go back, I would do it again, in a heartbeat. Because I can lose you to another man and still be your friend, but I couldn't live with you gone. I love you Mac. I love you with all my heart. I regret so much for being so long to tell you."

Mac looked at him with tears in her eyes, but tears of joy. She took his face in her hands and kissed him with all the love she felt. He put his arms around her waist and brought her closer. When they lacked for air, they broke the kiss but stayed forehead against forehead.

"I love you Harm."  
"I love you Mac."  
"If you knew how bad I feel."  
"We're going to make a deal you and me."  
"Another one?"  
"We let the past in the past and we think about our future. What do you think?"  
"I think it's a great deal."

They sealed their promise with a kiss and broke again.

"If only you knew how much I love you Mac!"  
"If you love me as much as I love you then I know. But I preferred if you'd show me."

They kissed again, and then Harm took her in his arms and went towards the bedroom. They let the past go and turned together towards their future. It wouldn't always be smooth but together they could face all the problems.

* * *

Thank you for reading ! let me know if you liked it or not !


End file.
